Nineteen years ago today, in Fairbanks, Alaska I gave birth to my son, Joshua Marlin. He was born on his grandpa's birthday and named after two of his great grandfathers.
Today I celebrate the 18 years that I had him to love and hold here on this earth. He was a beautiful, thoughtful and precious child who was about as perfect as any child could be. He was the baby who would nurse and then go to sleep quietly sucking his thumb. He was the child who would sit and observe quietly while the rest of the world went crazy all around him. He was the child who snuggled and cuddled and gave me kisses and hugs. He was the child who sought out the children who needed special attention and became their friend. He was the child whose greatest joy was to spend time with family and who was always there when a friend needed a listening ear.
Today is Josh's birthday. It’s the first one I am spending without him and the first one that he is spending in heaven. Keeping it real, I have to say that this is the hardest day I have had to face since his death. And yet, I want to celebrate. I want to celebrate the blessings that he brought (and still brings) to me.
Last night, I just about lost it because I didn't feel that I could even face this day without him. I cried and I asked for a sign that I could hold onto. Maybe I was wrong to do that, but I needed some comfort. After I had prayed that prayer for comfort, a gentle rain began to fall. Rain has become a symbol to me of Josh's presence. As the rain fell gently down, I felt Josh's presence once again and was comforted in the fact that one day, I will once again walk with him in the rain as we use to do together when he was a child. It was a practice he continued even as a young adult and in my mind’s eye, I can see him dancing in the rain in heaven.
Hug and kiss your children today or call them and tell them that you love them. Celebrate life and love...................it's Josh's birthday! Should you get the chance................learn to dance in the rain. It is a beautiful thing.