August 28, 2017
It’s odd how time stands still
when you receive bad news. I can
remember details of when I found out my mother passed away. Odd things stand out about the little things
that surrounded me and the people that were there as the first tragedy of my
life unfolded when I was but seven years of age. The same is true for when my
son passed away and each of the major life changing events when we have
received news that is difficult to process.
It felt that way over the weekend when we received the call that Mike’s
brother has a tumor on his brain. Just
the week before, we had received the news that his sister who has been battling
tumors on her spine and at the base of her skull had gotten a good report from
the doctor and after intense treatments (her second round with the tumors after
having invasive surgery the first round).
She had been told that the tumor was now “a mere shadow”. What a shock to think of Mike’s older
brother, always the strong one who is naturally looked to as a leader, is
facing this prognosis. I saw the look on
Mike’s face, heard the tremor in his voice and the tears well up in his eyes
and I put my head in my hands as I squatted on the ground outside where I had
been pricing items for the antique mall.
It seemed like the world pretty much came to a stop for a few minutes
and I had to slowly pully myself back from that place of shock to go to Mike
when he got off the phone. We are
thankful that the doctors are very optimistic about the surgery but because of
the tumor’s location and a lot of unknowns, it’s a stressful time for Mike’s
family. Of course, our hearts hurt for
Kenny’s wife, kids, grandkids and mother as they process all of this and deal
with their fears regarding his health and well-being. We are trusting that all will turn out well,
but our hearts hurt that the family must go through this.
August 29, 2017
Yesterday was my whirlwind
Monday. I simply can’t keep up
anymore. I wouldn’t trade my time with
the grandkids for anything but I will be the first to admit I can’t keep up
like I use to. The three, four-year olds
are a bundle of energy from the moment they arrive until they leave. If I say “use your inside voices” once, I say
it dozens of times throughout the day as well as “Please don’t run in the
house”. Little Rory can’t sleep when
everyone is here. I don’t know if it’s
because of the noise or if she is just as excited as the rest of them. When everyone leaves, it looks like a tornado
has blown through with the whole house disheveled, dirty dishes in the sink,
toys strung about, and dirt tracked in from their going in and out.
Rory is crawling and grabbing the smaller toys
the bigger kids leave lying about, so I have to watch carefully that she
doesn’t get something small and put it in her mouth. She has also started pulling up on the
furniture to get into a standing position.
She is such a loving and pleasant child.
When she is working hard to learn something new, she laughs at herself
when she accomplishes her goal. It’s
just the cutest thing to watch.
Yesterday she was working hard to stand and just laughing the whole
time. Mondays are a ten-hour day for me
with the grands now that Alissa’s schedule has changed. I have the twins about eight hours and
Alissa’s girls for ten. I get up a
couple of hours before they arrive and cook a homemade meal for lunch on most
Mondays. I simply don’t keep processed
food in the house and the kids have varied tastes when it comes to what they
will eat. When I can, I try to make
something that Mike and I can also eat for supper.
After an eighteen-hour day, I
slept pretty well last night. I told
Mike that it’s odd that after living here for 13 years in the house in
Staunton, when I wake up, I always have to orient myself because I think I am
in the Southern Virginia home instead. I
guess it’s a testament to how much I love it there and how much it seems like
home to me. I never wonder where I am
when I wake up there. I have so much I
need to get done today. Tuesdays are about as slammed full as Mondays for me
and my schedule changes a bit as of today.
Alissa starts back to James Madison University today to continue her
work on her Master’s degree. She has two
semesters to complete and will graduate in the spring. I told her that I would keep Analia and Rory
on Tuesday evenings for her when she goes to class, so I will need to get all
of my other errands and work completed by late afternoon so that I can watch
the girls from 4-8 pm. We are gearing up
for a big event in a town close to our place in Southern Virginia and will be
selling antiques and vintage items over Labor Day weekend. I need to get to our booth at the Antique
Mall today and pull out a good many items to pack and take with us back to
Southern Virginia for the sale. This
will be our first year selling as vendors.
In the past, we have attended as buyers/spectators. I also have the house to put back in order
and clean, phone calls to make, catch up on correspondence, pay bills for us,
pay bills for my grandmother, care for the animals, an appointment to get my
hair trimmed, and a half bushel of grapes to can for juice before the grandkids
get here this afternoon.
August 31, 2017
We had wanted to leave for our
Rural Retreat early Wednesday morning but that didn’t happen. There’s always just too much to take care of
before we leave Staunton. We decided rather
than stress about it, we would just leave later in the afternoon and decided we
wanted to be on the road no later than three.
By the time we got on the road it was five and thirty minutes away I
remembered something we couldn’t live without and had to turn around and go
back to get it, wasting an hour’s time.
The day was more hectic than usual because we worked to get together an
entire truck load of items to sell this weekend and participate in the huge,
outdoor flea market. We wanted to pull
some nicer pieces from the antique mall as well as gather some of the things
that don’t sell well in that location, hoping that a different location would
bring better results. We finally made it
to our second home around eight and had to unload everything and get some
supper. I kept it simple and we had
BLT’s and some fresh, homegrown grapes.
We discovered that Analia wasn’t
seeing well when she called people by the wrong name, thought her baby sister
was the cat, thought a picture of flowers was a picture of clouds, and
struggled in general with identifying things at times. We also thought she might have a slightly
lazy eye. At her last pediatric
appointment, the doctor examined her eyes and there was definitely a problem,
so an appointment was scheduled with a pediatric optometrist. At her appointment, yesterday the doctors were
very thorough and spent three hours with her.
They found her to have 20/40 vision in both eyes and have prescribed her
glasses. They feel that the lazy eye
will correct itself but they are having her come back in three months to check
her eyes and if the lazy eye is not better, they will give her a patch. Alissa wanted to get the patch over with
before Analia goes to kindergarten next fall.
Analia is not very happy about getting glasses but I am hoping that once
she realizes she can see clearly, that she will be happy with the results. She wanted pink glasses but they were more
expensive and her momma told her she needed to get the blue glasses this
time.
Details are beginning to fall into
place for us to make our Southern Virginia property our primary residence
within the next year or less. The goal was
to transfer our primary residency by fall of 2018. For a while, it seemed we were stalled and I
wondered if we would be able to make that happen. Just in the last week, critical aspects of
the move have begun to fall into place.
We have a solid contractor now who has measured the barn and talked to
us about restoring it. We talked to him
yesterday and he is working on getting us an estimate. This is critical before I can move my Jersey
herd as I need a place to milk. Our barn
will have six stalls for milking, as it did originally. In fact, the head gates are still in the barn
just waiting for my girls. We have
decided to go with board and batting to keep the look of the barn similar to
what it is now. The barns in this area
are made with vertical boards and use no batting but we want the building to be
a little cozier in the winter. For over
ten years I have milked either in a run-in shed or in the box taken off a box
bed truck which has been extremely cold in the winter and at least ten degrees
or hotter in the summer than the outside temperature. It’s nice to dream of a nice tight barn where
I can bring all of my girls in at once instead of bringing them in one at a
time. Another key piece to facilitating
our move has been our house in Staunton.
We did not want to put it and the property on the market and we did not
want to rent it out to just anyone. Things
are beginning to come together quickly now, much quicker than we anticipated,
and it looks like that situation will work itself out. Alissa and Gabino are going to rent out their
home and move into the upstairs portion of our home in Staunton. They will be on site to help take care of the
animals until we can get them moved and keep the wood furnace burning (the
house’s only source of heat). This will give them more room for the girls. It will also be easier to keep the kids for
Alissa on Monday and Tuesday. They can
stay in bed in the mornings and I can put them to bed at night when she is away
at school should they fall asleep before she gets home. She won’t have to get them in their car seats
and transport them and the girls will be more settled I think. We will have the downstairs portion of the
house for our use as we will be in Staunton three days a week at least for the
next nine months. There’s a large
bedroom, a bathroom, and living area downstairs. We will all share the kitchen but I am sure that
will work out fine, because I’m the one who insists on doing the cooking anyway. We had no clue a week ago that things were
going to come together like this, but the timing is perfect. This will give us peace of mind over the
winter and will allow us to continue to transition.
I always told Mike that I would
never move from our home in Staunton because the move itself would cause us to divorce. Of course, I was just teasing him but I just
knew the stress of a big move would be very hard on both of us, but especially
on Mike who has accumulated things and lived there for over 30 years. I am one who can easily dispose of anything
that I have not used within the last year and he is one who keeps everything
because he might need it someday. We
have different ideas about everything down to how to pack a box or fill a truck
or trailer and we are both Type A’s who want to get the job done but with
different ideas on how to accomplish the goal.
I’ve always known just that selling our home would be stressful and it
wasn’t something I relished doing. The
way things have transpired over the last six months and the way they are
continuing to come together have allowed us to make a slow transition and it
has been less stressful for us than it would have been otherwise. The next month will probably be the most
difficult for us because we do need to clear the upstairs of our home so that
the kids can move their things. While we
are leaving most of the furniture, we will need to move a few of the more
sentimental items and all of our personal belongings so they have the space
they need.
We will keep the 50 acres that we
have in Staunton and Mike will continue to farm it with either hay or
bean/grain crops. This will give us the
hay ground we need as the land we have in Southern Virginia is all pasture. It’s great to see things beginning to take
shape and while we have a lot transpiring in the next two to three months
before winter sets in here in these mountains, I am eager to see it all come
together.
September 1, 2017
It just doesn’t seem like it can
be September, but here it is. We are
starting the month out with rain today and more scheduled tomorrow. Rain to me is always a memory of my Josh and
especially in the month of September.
While other may take the rain as an inconvenience, and while even I may
complain that it hampers my plans, my heart feels like Josh is a little closer
when it rains. This month is always a
hard one for me, but I have a lot to keep me occupied and that will help to
divert me from the pain that always comes when I think of how much I miss him.
Yesterday we had to try to get a
company lined up to deliver oil and propane to the house. This is a new experience for us as we have
always burned wood at our Staunton home.
In fact, in Staunton, wood is our only source of heat. Our Rural Retreat has a propane fire place,
an oil furnace, a wood burning stove and a wood fireplace. However, we have not yet had the chimney or
flu checked and it has been many years since wood was burned in this house. We don’t want to use wood as our primary
source of heat here anyway, so we need to get things in order for fuel to be
delivered. I was hoping we would get
that finalized but instead we only managed to get around to various places to
get the information we needed. It’s
funny because in Staunton, I would have called around to the various places for
the information after trying to find it on the internet. Here, our phone service is so poor that we
didn’t even consider making calls. We
had to go into town forty-five minutes away anyway, so we just made a morning
of it. While we were there we ran
errands and also picked up some folding tables to set up for our yard
sale. We have a lot of tables we can use
in Staunton, but they belong to Mike’s mom and we can’t be hauling them here to
use all the time when she needs them there for family get togethers. Most of the day we spent setting up for our
yard sale. Our neighbor who owns the
mules across the road from us is letting us use his building on the highway to
set up for an indoor sale since we are supposed to get some pretty nasty
weather today. I didn’t realize just how
much we had for a yard sale until we started setting it up. Most of the items we have accumulated in the
last year as we purchased to resell in the antique mall. Many of the items just are not of the type or
quality to sell in our booth but have some value and we hate to just dispose of
them. Some items will get donated to the
thrift store but many of them can be sold at a yard sale. Buying or selling at yard sales really isn’t
my thing. In fact, selling anything
isn’t my thing. I really dislike the
whole process and dealing with the general public is not my cup of tea for
sure. I did it in the last few years and
did it well when we sold produce from Verona, but being an introvert, I have to
talk myself into it every day I have to go out and meet the public. I am fine once I get there, but I would just
rather be introverting with my animals.
September 2, 2017
The weather yesterday remained cold,
windy and damp. I am sure that the
continuous rain kept a lot of people away from the yard sales, flea markets,
and the weekend activities but the dedicated were out and we met some who had
travelled from long distances to attend the weekend events in the area. Our yard sale wasn’t a huge success but neither
was it a bust. We were fortunate to be
indoors where it was dry and relatively comfortable. We were able to meet some more of our
neighbors, living just down the road. Th
area certainly is a mixture of people who have lived here all their lives and
those who have migrated to the area. One
difference I can see about this area’s newcomers is that people don’t move here
for employment or education. People move
here because of the “atmosphere”. Time
and time again as we talk to transplants like us they tell us they have moved
to the area to get away from the crowds, to be able to enjoy nature, to leave
the hustle and bustle, to escape crime, to live a simpler life, and to live
more intentionally. Because we share so
many of the same desires with those we meet, it is easy to find common ground,
even though we may be different.
We did go to the little auction
house last night that provides me with so much entertainment. That is just my favorite place to people
watch. We got there thirty minutes early
and it was already so crowded that we could hardly find a parking place or a
seat. I found us a place in the corner
of the open door. Chairs were packed in
so tight that we had to practically sit with our knees pulled up to our chest
in front of us. Prices were higher than
our budget but it us always interesting to watch the items as they are
presented. One can learn so much just
through observation and a little initiative.
I love when an unusual piece comes through, something that is different
and unique or an item I have not seen previously.
September 3, 2017
I wouldn’t exactly call this
weekend a success with the yard sale. It
wasn’t a total loss but the amount of time we spent setting up probably doesn’t
justify the amount of money we made. The
good news is that everything is set up and indoors thanks to our neighbor who
let us use his building. His girlfriend
is going to do yard sales there for a few weeks, so we are going to leave our
things there and see if a few more items will sell before we decide what to
donate and what to throw away. Looking
at the number of items that we as Americans simply have no use for after a
short period of time and how much waste we have is one of the reasons I am more
committed than ever to repurposing, reusing, restoring and utilizing the “old”
and “vintage” before going out and purchasing new. The items that we are selling at the yard
sale are mostly from “lot boxes” that we have purchased at auctions. An auction company will have a box of hard to
sell, common household items likes kitchenware, linens, household gadgets and
such that they will group together.
Then, they will put one desirable item into the lot. The bidder will have to purchase the whole
box in order to get that one item. This
is the way they can move the less desirable items. Over time, those items accumulate for people
like us who are buying and reselling and we have to find a purpose for them or
throw them away. I try really hard to
find a useful home for all the items and unless the items are broken beyond
repair or of no use at all, then we do not trash them. Doing this for about a year now has made me
realize just how much we take for granted in North America. The volume of trash or what we discard, speaks to our wealth and wastefulness as a nation.
The weather continues to be wet
and cool and it really feels like an early fall, although I know we will most
likely have more warm days well into October and maybe even November. But the cooler days set our minds toward fall
and there is a sense of urgency to get things finished up before winter. The contractor we found has been good to keep
in touch with us regarding the barn and it looks like our lumber will start
being cut at the saw mill this coming week.
I am anxious to get started on the barn and the work that needs to get
done outside so that we can move the Jerseys here next year. I’m taking advantage of the cooler weather
and the fact we still have a lot of fresh veggies to make my first big batch of
soup for the season. I pulled some soup
bones out of the freezer and have them on the stove now and will later cut some
fresh corn off the cob and cook down some tomatoes for juice. Fresh onions and peppers will add to the
stock. Potatoes from the garden are dug
and will go into the soup as well. I can
pull a few other veggies from the freezer to go in the soup. What we don’t eat today, I will take back to
Staunton for quick meals this coming week.
The grandkids will probably turn up their noses and want pizza or
spaghetti instead and I will probably oblige them because I AM the grandma and
grandmas do that sort of thing.
Last night we had a hot date to
the Crooked Oak Restaurant and then off to our little auction house for an
evening of adventure. I got a veggie
plate and salad at the restaurant. I
still try to avoid eating pork or beef that we have not raised ourselves or
that I at least know has been raised to my standards. The restaurant was busier than usual, and our
favorite waitress wasn’t able to wait on us, although she did get our drinks
when the other waitress forgot. I have
to smile when I see the manager working in her muck boots as she clears tables
and talks to the regulars. There’s no
putting on airs or gussying up because it’s time to work the restaurant. We have not talked to her personally but have
been told she grows and sells produce.
She comes dressed like a farmer with no apologies. I love that and I love the fact no one thinks
anything about it but just accepts it as the norm. Things can get a bit hoity toity around
Staunton. It’s nice to be able to go
places where just being yourself feels accepted.
The auction house was packed last
night. We had heard that in spite of the
fact most of their sales throughout the year are relatively small, when they
have a big event people come in from all over and bids are taken from as far
away as California by phone. Labor Day
weekend is one of their biggest events for the year and it was quite an
experience to walk into that little, unassuming auction house and see so many people
that they ended up standing outside in the rain to watch the auction through
the open doors. They had some really
cool items up for sale but the prices went outrageously high and were certainly
not within our budget. I sat along the
aisle, right beside the door and had to keep leaning to my right to keep my
legs, arms and shoulders from being bumped by the furniture and larger items
being carried out the door at a steady pace.
The atmosphere was one of anticipation and excitement and while there were
obviously some polished and professional dealers there, that back home, down to
earth “we are who we are and we aren’t going to put on airs for anyone”
attitude prevailed. There were some
“Whee Doggies” yelled out and a lot of “Yup” bids going up. Things moved more quickly than usual and
there was a sense of urgency to “get er done” but there was still time for some
teasing, jokes, catching up and general good will. We were tired and couldn’t purchase the high-priced
items anyway, so we did leave early.
There are some prevalent attitudes
here in this area of South West Virginia that really concern me. Overwhelmingly I see the people in the area
that I have met as being good people with a sense of loyalty to each
other. They are neighborly and helpful,
down to earth and sincere. However, I
often hear prejudice words forcing themselves out from the hearts of those who
are filled with either hate, ignorance or fear ( for those are the contributing
factors that breed resentment for us as humans towards one another). While I feel that we “step backwards” in a
good way when we come to this area and are able to enjoy a quieter, simpler,
more intentional life, I also feel that we step backwards with certain
attitudes as well. I will admit that it
makes me angry and frustrated and my first reaction is to lash out myself with
words and ask these people how they can be so insensitive and ignorant? But, I catch myself and I realize that once
again love is the answer. Words spoken
hastily and defensively will not change the mind of people who for generations
have been taught to segregate, separate, and foster the prejudice
attitude. Well thought out, calm, loving
reactions are the only way to handle these types of situations. Standing up for what is right is not an
option, it’s a responsibility, but I realize the way I go about it is key,
especially with tensions high in our state right now regarding race and
ethnicity.
The other attitude that I am
finding extremely difficult to handle is the prevalence of patriarchy. I am so thankful that when I married Mike, I married
a man who sees me as his equal. I can
thank his parents and the Brethren Church he grew up in for that. Unlike the Baptist churches I grew up in
where the man dominates and that attitude is fostered from the pulpit and
enforced by husbands and wives in homes for generations, we practice equality and
mutual respect for the genders in our marriage.
I am well aware of the arguments the churches in which I grew up give
for male dominance and how they explain it away as not being male dominance,
but the older I get the more damage I see done by this type of teaching in the
church and the generational attitudes handed down from one family to another
where men rule and women remain submissive.
I am no longer surprised to receive emails or have conversations with
friends from my childhood who grew up the same way I did who were either
physical or emotionally abused as children or who have ended up in abusive
relationships as adults. It’s easy to
see the pattern and how the churches fostered an atmosphere that encourages
abuse because human nature dictates that when one person must subject
themselves to another’s complete authority, they will end up having the very
life sucked out of them. Having accepted
for many years an abusive marriage and willingly putting myself in a place to
be abused because I thought I was doing what God had called me to do, to love
my husband even though he tormented me emotionally, lied and cheated on me and
then finally having the wisdom and courage to leave that first marriage and
stand up for myself, I can easily spot the signs of that kind of abuse towards
other women. So many times, the women
don’t even know that they are being controlled, manipulated and abused because
they simply feel they are being the submissive women they have been taught God
wants them to be. While my heart goes
out to these women, it is the attitude of the men and their response towards
all women that enrages me. I have grown
so accustomed to living my life where men will do business with me and talk to
me as an equal that stepping back into a time warp where there are men who
can’t or won’t even talk to me as an equal completely pisses me off. I wish I could say that I have only witnessed
this attitude a time or two, but the truth is, I see it often. In some, it is a little subtler but in others
it is very blatant with the way they won’t even look at me or acknowledge that
I have spoken, instead turning to my husband for a response and
conversation.
These attitudes of prejudice
towards minorities and women that I see so prevalent here in this area make me
sad, fearful and angry but I have to take these emotions and find a healthy way
to use them to propel me to find ways to promote peace and love while never
backing down for what is right. Being
peaceful does not mean agreeing with everyone or pretending to go along with
something about which one has a conviction.
Being peaceful means that we confront evil in such a way that love
always is the motivating force and the strength behind our resistance. When we stand up for what is right and love
dominates, then we won’t allow differences to foster hate and ill will. If my love for minorities and my respect for
other women causes me to hate those who are filled with prejudice or who feel
superior towards those of a different gender, then I am no different than them. I think life (or God if you will) puts us in
situations when we are ready for them in order to help us stretch and
grow. I have been fortunate to live the
last 13 years of my life in a world different from the world in which I grew up
where patriarchy along with abuse of power were as common as breathing and
prejudice attitudes towards those who are “different” were normal. Finding myself in an area where these
attitudes are once again the norm, I see that the wisdom I have learned and the
strength I have gained will be refined as I face these issues once again, not
in my personal life but in the lives of some of those around me.