March 20, 2018
This week marks a year of new beginnings as we celebrate
Rory’s first birthday (on the 22nd) and the purchase of our mountain
property (on the 23rd). I was
at the hospital with Alissa and Gabino the evening and night of March 22nd,
2017 and coached Alissa through a brief labor and delivery period. If my memory serves me correctly, she dropped
Analia off at the house around 5 pm and I kept her for about an hour until Mike
came home and then I went to the hospital.
Alissa does amazing work of giving birth. She didn’t take any drugs or opt for an
epidural with either of her babies. The
bond that I felt with her, being her coach with both births, was amazing. She did all the work and deserves all the
credit but being a part of that process and watching her face as she clung to
me with her eyes looking for the strength to know it would all be ok, was an
amazing experience. Alissa and I have a
very close relationship and being a part of those moments in labor and
delivery, were for me, some of the most memorable moments of my life. Being the first, after the parents, to hold
the girls meant more to me than anything and I believe being a part of the
birthing experience has given the girls an even stronger bond with me. I have had a lot taken from me in my life
(not that I have had more taken from me than many others but the death of my
mother at such an early age and the death of my 18-year-old son felt as if my
very soul had been ripped out). However,
I have had a tremendous amount of blessing in my life and it is impossible for
me to ignore the huge amount of grace that has been bestowed upon me with my
family. I am human and I get tired. I complain. Sometimes I feel sorry for myself. I have CHOSEN to invest so much of myself
in my family and at times that means that I give up my own dreams and desires
to support the dreams and desires of those I love. But, looking back over my fifty years of
life, it is not what I have accomplished outside of my family that is important
to me, but rather those quiet, uncelebrated moments of support that I have
given to those I love for which I am most thankful. Giving up my cow share program so that I
could invest completely in my grandchildren was a decision that I cried
over. I knew it was the end of something
I had loved and had built successfully from the ground up but looking back, it
was still the right thing for me.
After returning from the hospital and the birth of our
precious, unique, independent, strong willed, energetic Aurora Geneva last year
on the 22nd, I returned to Mike and Analia, slept a couple of hours,
packed the car and we headed to Southwest Virginia to sign the papers on our
new home. The new home signifies to me
the cumulation of a dream that I buried so deep, I didn’t even know it still
existed. Or perhaps, it was not that I
didn’t know it existed, but rather that I felt I had been given so much in life
with Mike, our family, and our home in Staunton that to dream of anything else
would be self-centered and wrong. I’ve
tried to journal over the last nine months that I have been writing on a
regular basis and explain how this new home came to be and how we arrived at
making these changes in our life. Some
of the details are still so personal that have not put them in writing. There are things so intimate about our
decisions that I just prefer to keep them that way, close to my heart. The reality of this new farm for us is
nothing that I ever dared allow myself to dream and I poured myself into the
idea that we would continue, in some capacity, farming the land that had
belonged to Mike’s grandfather, then his father. I think Mike had already let that go long
before I was able to wrap myself around it.
I had become so caught up in the identity that I found in being the wife
of a third-generation farmer and the idea of being a part of a farming
operation that had been operational for three generations was so exciting to
me. When things began to change I
mentally fought the changes and I would not give my blessing or support when
Mike talked of doing other things.
Instead, I kept trying to convince him to hold on because I wanted
to be a part of something that I deemed lasting, permanent, and grounding. We didn’t’ set out to move to SW Virginia but
rather to just find a get-away cabin. We
had traveled through the area multiple times in the last few years since I shut
down the cow share program and we were able to get away from home. As we found ourselves spending more and more
time in Carroll and Floyd Counties, we began entertaining the thought of having
a place of our own instead of renting cabins each visit. Soon that dream stretched to include a place
to retire eventually and we fell in love and purchased this house and property
so different from our good, valley land in Staunton. The mountainous landscape only lends itself
to pasture land on this property and we have erosion issues to address and
outbuildings to restore and so many dreams of what we want to do with this
place and yet, we are able to slow down and enjoy the present as we work
towards those goals. The house, the
land, the dreams, the goals have all streamlined and represent our shared
interests. In Staunton, so often, it
felt like we lived two separate lives on many levels with Mike working in one
place and me another and both of us working so hard to be successful that we
were too exhausted to spend a lot of time on our relationship. The love and commitment were always there but
the chance to communicate and grow together was difficult. I let go of dreams reluctantly, kicking,
screaming, fighting to hang on and this time was no exception for me. Yet, when I let go of my ideals, it opened the
door for something better for both of us.
I don’t know that we will ever accomplish all the goals we share collectively for this place in
Southwest Virginia, but that’s ok too. I
hope that I continue to recognize that it is not about the ultimate goal but
rather about daily life and what we do with each moment we are given.
March 21, 2018
Winter continues to rage back and Spring is delayed from
being able to establish domain. We left
Staunton early this week because another winter storm was moving in and the
Valley was to get hit harder than the mountains, at least in our area. A winter storm was supposed to dump six to
eight inches of snow in the valley and at least for now, our mountain home was
only predicted to get an inch or so with most of it changing to rain. We didn’t want to get caught in Staunton or
have to drive in bad conditions and with classes being canceled for Alissa, we
were able to leave without putting her in a lurch with child care. It was fantastic to be able to get back home
a day early. It began sleeting about the
time we got into the house and then changed over to snow. The ground is covered here this morning but I
would estimate the predictions of an inch were about right. We stopped to eat on the way last night about
two hours out from Staunton and 45 minutes from Laurel Fork. I couldn’t find my keys and went into panic
mode. I don’t know why I got so agitated
but Mike and I ended up getting into a tiff about the whole thing and my
reactions reflected a lot of built up stress.
I guess when I am sweet, I am really sweet but when I get angry, watch
out. My paternal family refers to that
aggressive temper as a “Holbrook” trait.
It’s nothing to be proud of and I have worked hard to feed the gentle,
patient, loving side of me, but that Scotch-Irish explosive attitude escapes
periodically to remind me that I really am a Holbrook and still have a lot of
work to do on myself.
March 22, 2018
Winter fought hard yesterday to hang on even though it is
officially spring. The snow fell all day
long in wet flakes, sometimes big but often small and steady. We did not end up with a huge amount of snow
on the ground, although the ground was covered.
The temperature hovered near freezing and the roads, sidewalks and
driveways remained clear while the ground was covered in an inch or two. Back in Staunton, the kids sent pictures of
almost a foot of snow. We received
notice that the Antique Mall was closed in Verona due to ten inches of snow at
that locality. The day was gray and
“dreary” but I took a walk to the “back forty” to take in the views with snow
covering the mountains. I have been
wanting to do that but have not had opportunity to do so during a
snowstorm. As I suspected, I could not
see Buffalo Mountain due to clouds and snow but the views were still
spectacular with everything covered in a blanket of white. I didn’t see any wild animals on this
particular walk, but I did notice the tracks of a small animal of some
sort. The tracks came out of the woods
heading in a particular direction and then suddenly they started going around
and around in circles. I wondered at the
purpose, which seemed senseless to me as those were the only tracks. It caused me to start thinking about how I
foolishly sometimes go in circles, chasing things that are not meant for me to
chase, making the same mistakes over and over again, pursuing goals that are
pointless. After descending from my
hike, I filled the bird feeders and went inside to dry myself out. With such a wet snow falling, and my not
having the proper shoes, I was pretty wet.
In addition to housework and laundry, I made a double batch of dough for
cut out cookies and put it in the refrigerator to chill overnight. We had salad, limas, mashed potatoes, fillet
mignon and leftover sourdough biscuits for supper. The biscuits were amazing, a recipe I found
from King Arthur Flour. Mike says I am
on a sourdough kick, and he is right. It
is fun using sourdough in recipes and re-experiencing many of the tastes I
remember from earlier in my life.
March 23, 2018
A friend sent me some books to help me learn to make better
bread. They are wonderful books written
by true masters and it just touches me so deeply that friends invest so much in
my life. It’s the little things that let
us know others care and I am so blessed.
The world is full of people who will hurt us and we tend to focus on
that, in part because we are trying to protect ourselves from future pain. However, there are so many genuinely good
people in the world who continue to spread love. I have not had a chance to completely absorb
the information in the books but I did sit down for several hours before
bedtime night before last and read some of the information. It was time to use my sourdough poolish and I
was able to incorporate some of the things I learned from the books as I baked
bread yesterday. I also took a step
forward and used my cast iron Dutch oven to bake the bread. I had been hesitant to use it because I don’t
have the flat surfaced bottom type but rather a Dutch oven with legs intended
for campfire use. I’ve been watching at
auctions for the smooth bottomed Dutch ovens but have not found any yet. I always hate to buy new when I know that I
will eventually find an old one in need of rescue. The bread turned out beautifully, a whole
wheat loaf this time. I also rolled and
cut out a double batch of cookies in shapes for Easter and I made a deep-dish
pizza for supper. Between bread risings
and cookie making, I thoroughly cleaned house downstairs and the bathroom
upstairs. I still have the two guest
bedrooms to clean upstairs. I shut the
doors to those rooms to conserve heat and they are not used but on occasion but
the bugs in this old house are awful. If
it’s not hundred of lady bugs, it’s stink bugs and if it’s not stink bugs, it’s
wasp coming out in the bedroom where we have the fireplace. I guess they think it’s summertime in that
room. It was a good day to bake and
clean house as the weather was nasty outside.
The snow melted off and I could hear it sliding down the metal roof and
the green grass was bright once the snow went away but there was a nasty wind
blowing all day. We were under high wind
warnings for the first half of the day.
It was far too wet to work outside and Mike spent his day working inside
the barn. It is looking so good. It is
such a long process, taking so much time for one person, but it is going to be
just fabulous. I have been milking in a
make shift little shed made out of a metal box off the back of a truck for a
decade now. Having a real dairy barn is
so exciting.
March 24, 2018
I crawled in bed last night and looked up and out the window
to see a sky full of bright stars. There
was not a cloud anywhere and had I not read the weather forecast, I would have
sworn that we would wake to a bright and sunny day. Again, when I woke at 5 am, I looked out the
window and still the stars were shining bright.
An hour later, the sky was covered with clouds as the next winter storm
makes its way into the mountains. I
checked the weather forecast for the valley, and no snow is predicted for that
area but here, we anticipate 5-8 inches today if the meteorologists are
correct. That’s better than the initial
report of close to 16 inches! The snow
is supposed to start mid-morning and we are as ready as we can get. We wanted to get a few things in case we did
get snowed in and we needed to take a load of items to donate to the thrift
store so we made the 40 minute trip to Galax yesterday. Our biggest reason for going was to check
with the NRCS (Natural Resources Conservation Office) about setting up a plan
to deal with erosion issues on our mountain property and to talk to them about
possibly setting up a pollination plot with wild flowers. As I anticipated, the man we needed to speak
to was already gone for the day even though it was only 1 pm. Hopefully, he will call us back next week and
we can meet with him and get some ideas about what we can do to make the
property better and preserve it for future generations. While we were loading up the items to take to
the thrift store, a friend who lives in Laurel Fork but whom I have not seen
since we moved here saw our truck and stopped in to give me a hug and talk for
a few minutes. It was so good to see her
and her warm hug made my day. We made
plans to get together with no excuses.
After we made the trip to Galax, ran our errands, and picked up a few
things we needed from the store, I had Mike take me to the fabric store in
Fancy Gap. It is a huge store and well
known to quilters even outside the area.
I didn’t even let myself look at the fabric. I am not one of those women who buys and buys
fabric and I try to use up what I have before getting more. Occasionally, I will find a box of fabric at
an estate auction and buy it cheap. The
purpose of this trip to the fabric store was to buy stuffing for pillows. I had made the flour sack pillows last week
and used up all the repurposed stuffing I had but have a few more pillows that
need to be stuffed. I also bought some
glue to try to make some tea cup bird feeders from vintage glass. We end up with boxes and boxes of glass that
simply won’t sell in our booths. Most of
it I end up donating to a thrift store but I pulled out a few pieces I liked
and thought I would attempt to make some pretty bird feeders out of them. Pinterest has some really cute ideas but I
often find that the results of my projects don’t end up looking nearly as good
as those on Pinterest. But, I have the
glass and with just a little over a dollar spent on glue, I really can’t go wrong
in trying. When we got home, I decorated about half the cut-out cookies that I
had made. I don’t have the proper
decorating tools so my cookies always turn out looking a bit whimsical, but the
grandkids don’t care.
March 25, 2018
Snow began falling shortly after 10 am yesterday but with
the temperatures hovering around freezing, it didn’t start sticking for a good
while. Mid afternoon it began sticking
on the grass but the road remained clear.
Closer to nightfall as the temperature dropped and it kept snowing, the
inches started to accumulate and the roads became covered. It is still dark, as I typically wake up and
write before dawn, and I am not sure as to how much snow accumulated but a
rough guess around 10 pm with what we could see on the deck railing was around
six inches. I had two bird feeders set
up with the same feed that we offer our chickens: ground corn and alfalfa that was grown on our
valley property. The birds were feeding
like crazy yesterday evening. I enjoyed
watching them. The poor male Robins that
have migrated seemed rather stunned with all the snow. We saw scores of them on the ground, in the
trees, looking out of place, confused and even grumpy. Outside our bedroom window in a small walnut
tree we counted nine of them sitting on snow covered branches in the same tree
while dozens more walked around in the road where it was more wet than snow
covered at that time. I heard a
woodpecker in the large pines next to the house but I never could spot it. I have seen several pileated wood peckers
feeding in the past.
Mike went out before the snow started falling yesterday and
was going to try to get a little more of the trees and brush cleaned up and get
some more wood sawed. He no sooner got
out there and had a major break on the loader.
He did what he could outside until it started snowing and then we were
inside for the rest of the day. I did
walk up to the guest cabin and worked on a few crafts and pulled out some
material and some patterns that I might use to make some children’s sized
aprons but with it being so cold in there with no heat, I only stayed out for
about an hour. I spent a little time
outside taking pictures of the birds.
Other than basic housework, fixing meals, and laundry it was a quiet and
restful day for us. We did not go to the
auction house, although they did have an auction. I feel like I gain an extra day when we stay
here and since we came down on Tuesday instead of Wednesday this week, I really
got to experience that feeling of “settling in”. I’m a little more ready to head back to
Staunton this week. I’m missing the
grandkids and if everyone is well and able, we hope to get together with all of
them on Tuesday.
March 26, 2018
I was eager to get outside in the freshly fallen snow
yesterday. Even though snow is often an
inconvenience and can cause a lot of extra work not to mention muddy conditions
when it melts, I can’t help but feel excitement when the snow falls. At first light, I could see that there was a
good bit of snow, although not as much as they had originally predicted. Mike said he thought about 12 inches. It was wet, heavy, and hard packed. I put on some warm clothes and headed outside
with the idea of checking the bird feeders and feeding the chickens. I first shoveled a path off the deck, down
the stairs and up the sidewalk. With the
snow being so heavy, I got a good workout.
Then I headed up to the chicken house but got side tracked. I almost always take my camera with me and
the sun was topping the mountain peaks in the east and starting to shine on the
hills and trees to the west. The light
was so gorgeous on the snow and I wanted to see if I could capture a few
photos. My short trek ended up a regular
hike to the back forty as with each step I was eager to see what was beyond the
next hill. I knew basically what was
beyond the next peak but wanted to see it with new eyes, in a new light, with
the fresh snow covering everything. The
hike wasn’t easy but it was well worth the effort. I didn’t have the proper shoes to keep my
feet warm but other than cold, wet feet, I was comfortable and energized. I could see a lot of various animal tracks in
the snow, all of them headed to the springs to get water. On the top of the property I startled two
deer who stood posed and ready to run long enough for me to get some beautiful
pictures of them before they bounded off across the field and out of site. I was able to see Buffalo Mountain in the
snow and a fog coming off the water somewhere between our property and the
mountain. The views were
spectacular. Sometimes it pays to put
forth a little effort and to see things in a fresh, new light. It helps us appreciate what is already ours
but have come to take for granted.
We had a good many broken branches from the weight of the
snow on the trees, one of which had fallen over the power line and onto the
chicken house. Mike worked getting the most
critical of the branches removed.
Thankfully, there was no damage, just some clean up that we will need to
continue to work on. We were starting to
get the yard and barn area looking pretty good, free of brush and trimmed up
but now we have to begin again with the new mess. Still, it could have been so much worse. Some folks lost power. Ours flickered several times but the
generator never came on. As the day got warmer,
the snow began melting and while there was still plenty of snow left on the ground
by day’s end, a lot of it had melted. It
poured down the driveway like a small river, dripping off the rooftops, down
the gutters, and created little streams that all came together and rolled down
the hill. The ground is a soft, and
muddy mess everywhere we step. The
ground was already so wet and saturated and the snow just added to the moisture
content.
We left much later than usual yesterday and did not get back
to Staunton until 10:30. Gab, Alissa and
the girls were already asleep and we came in quietly and went to bed
ourselves. There will be much to do in
the next two days. Mike has a tractor here
that locked up on him and threw him into the guard rail. That has to be dealt with….towed, repaired….probably
four or five thousand dollars to repair.
Then the loader in Laurel Fork has a major repair and can’t be used
until that part is replaced and we are looking at well over a thousand dollars
for that part. He will be trying to find
parts, make arrangements for repairs on the tractor, and he has multiple hay
customers meeting with him to pick up hay and some he will deliver. We have the kids and grandkids coming for a small
get together. I have the farrier coming
one morning and the children to watch for two days. Plus there is always cleaning, cooking, and
lots of outdoor work as we anticipate cows to begin calving sometime in the
next month within the Jersey herd.
There’s never enough time in either place to get it all done, so we just
do the best we can.