May 3, 2018
There has been so much going on that I have not even been
able to keep up with what day it is. Today
is a very important day though and one I couldn’t possibly forget. Alissa graduates with her Master’s Degree
tonight. I am so incredibly proud of her
courage, determination and the strength, to finish what she started, and follow
her dream through to completion. Time
and again she faced situations that would have given her justifiable reasons
for quitting, but she did not. She
started ahead of so many her age, having taken multiple college level classes
while still in high school but a series of difficult events soon “put her
behind schedule”. I don’t know that I
can even remember all the difficult challenges that she faced. There was a car
wreck in which she wasn’t seriously injured, but the timing and injury were
enough to cause her to miss a semester.
Then, there was Josh’s death that left us all needing to focus on just
getting through those first few months of our loss. There were funding issues. Because Mike and I were married, the
government considered him her provider (even though he was not) and would not
let her file for student loans until she was 26. She worked full time as a waitress to pay her
own way through Junior College to get her Associates Degree. Then, she found out that she was expecting a
baby. This was a huge surprise and not
in the plans. I remember holding her as
she cried (and Alissa rarely cries about anything) and telling her that I would
help her with the baby so she could go Mary Baldwin to work on her Bachelors. She had horrible morning sickness that left
her mostly unable to function and yet she continued to waitress and go to
school. I am really not sure how she
made it through that first year at Mary Baldwin, being as sick as she was. She had a difficult birth, one for the
medical records due to the rarity of the issue that affected her, and were it
not for the doctor who moved quickly and efficiently to save her, she would
have died. Analia was born in late July
and in the fall, Alissa went back to school and work. I provided
as much assistance as I could, keeping Analia five days a week most weeks but there
were times she had to take Analia to class with her or to meetings with her
professors. The staff at Mary Baldwin
was amazing. The encouraged her,
supported her, and believed in her. Analia would often “pretend” to be in
meetings with a particular professor or pretend she was attending college
classes even at a very young age. Watching Alissa accept her degree at Mary
Baldwin was one of the highlights of my life as a mom. After getting her Bachelors, Alissa then
decided that if she didn’t move right into getting her Master’s that it would
be harder to go back later. So, I told
her that I would help her with Analia so that she could get her advanced
degree. Alissa and Gabino didn’t plan to
have another baby, but by the end of Alissa’s first year at James Madison
University, she gave birth to their second daughter, Aurora. In the world of higher education, more often
than not, the attitude toward choosing to have children while working toward an
advanced degree is actively frowned upon, especially if one is female. There was some serious pressure from a
particular, key, individual for Alissa to drop out of the program. This individuals reasoning was purely
misogynistic and the undue stress that was put upon her was enough to cause the
average person to quit. But not my
Alissa. She fought through the unfair
pressure being put upon her to abandoned her dreams, moved forward with her
education while continuing to work outside the home and be an awesome momma to
two little girls and between the two of them, breastfeeding for four years and
counting.
Yes, Alissa had a
strong support group, a team behind the scenes filling in the gaps. This group of family and friends, including
her supportive husband, made personal sacrifices to help her reach her
goals. Working together, the support
group was able to keep the kids at home and out of day care and provide Alissa
with peace of mind that the children were being cared for well, giving her the
freedom to focus on her education, but the tenacity and dedication to see the
goal of higher education through to completion belongs entirely to Alissa and I
am proud of all that she has accomplished.
Since Mikey is home from Thailand, we asked him, Kristin,
and the twins if they would come down to Laurel Fork with us for a few
days. We left Staunton on Monday evening
around 8:30 after I had watch Analia and Rory all day. Kristin drove her car down as we couldn’t all
fit in our car. We arrived home just
before midnight and got everyone settled in for the night. The twins were so
excited. The last they had been at our Laurel Fork home was just before
Christmas when we had a big snow. They had good memories of being there before
and were excited to be back. We took
everyone on Tuesday for a day trip to Mt. Airy which is only about 40 minutes
from our house. We toured the Andy
Griffith museum, walked around main street, and went out to eat. Then we stopped at the grocery store for a
few things. I told Hudson and Ella they
could help me get a few things so we would have snacks to eat. Tuesday we all spent the day at home and had
a lot of fun. Hudson and Ella were
always doing or saying something that made me laugh. It is becoming apparent that all my
grandchildren love the chickens. Hudson
just couldn’t get enough of them. Ella
loved them too but was a little more frightened that she might get pecked. Hudson loves looking for bugs and was
thrilled to find out he could find bugs and feed them to the chickens. They both enjoyed gathering the eggs. They wanted to help Papa build fence and he
let them help him. Hudson said we had to
get the fence done so we could bring the cows.
The whole family to a hike to the “back forty”. It was so much fun watching the kids pick
flowers, kick “cow pies”, and look for quartz rocks. They never once complained about the distance.
Wednesday, Kristin intended to leave after breakfast to
return home, but everyone was having such a good visit that she didn’t end up
leaving until around 5. Still, the kid
didn’t want to go but we all said we would try to get together again soon. After they left, the house seemed so quiet
and I thought about all the good memories that we made.
May 4, 2018/3
Mikey, Mike and I spent the morning in Laurel Fork on
Thursday. Mike and Mikey worked hanging
some gates and building a bit more fence.
I stripped the beds, washed clothes, picked up the house, cleaned out
the waterers and refilled them for the chickens and made sure they had plenty
of food to eat. We had a bite of lunch
and then hit the road again around 1:30 heading back to Staunton so we could be
available for Alissa’s graduation. As
soon as we got back, I ran down to check on my cows. First I checked the newly freshened cows and
their calves and then I checked the rest of the herd. We only had about an hour until we had to
leave to go to Harrisonburg. We all
ended up leaving at different times.
Alissa had to be there early.
Gabino and the high school babysitter who helps them sometimes left with
the Little Girls and then a few minutes later Mike and I left. (He had run down to his Mom’s place to check
on things there.) The traffic at JMU was
heavy and we had to park pretty far away from the convocation center. We saw Gabino and Angie (the sitter) walking
with the girls up the sidewalk and Analia was yelling “Hi Papa! Hi Tita!”.
We caught a shuttle and arrived at the same time they did to find seats
at the convocation center. The Little
Girls were very good during the long ceremony.
Rory never made a sound. She was
completely overwhelmed with so many people.
After graduation, we all met back at the house along with Alissa’s
friend Karisa and had a bite to eat.
Once we got home, Rory was a different person, no longer quiet and still
sitting on our laps but up dancing around, laughing, and loud. Karisa asked me if I was going to be at the
party on Friday and I said, “You mean Saturday, right?” She said “No, the party for the faculty
tomorrow.” I looked at Alissa and said,
“I didn’t know anything about that.”
Turns out it is tradition that the graduating students host a party for
their professors and advisors at the end of the year. Typically, there are enough students
graduating that they all pitch in some money and set up a catered get together
at a public facility. However, since there
were only three of them graduating and none of them had much money, they
decided to host the party at our house and fix the food themselves (light
snacks). Being Ms. Introvert who tends
to think all things must be as close to perfect as possible, I freaked at the
thought but tried to contain myself. I
said that I would not be at the party.
Of course, I woke up this morning and first went to the barnyard. I worked there for a while cleaning out
watering troughs and refilling them with fresh water. I also milked Shar. I did not attempt to milk Promise due to her
being so susceptible to milk fever.
Shar’s milk still has a red tint to it from busted capillaries so I just
saved it for the chickens. When I put
the milking machine together, I didn’t look down in the bucket and when I took
the lid off after milking Shar, I saw large objects floating in the milk. I could not imagine what they were and
reached in to get them thinking it was a good thing this milk was only going to
the chickens. When I pulled out the
floating items I found wooden, animal magnets that Rory had dropped in the
bucket. She loves to look in the bucket
but I never thought about her dropping objects into the bucket. From now on, I will check the bucket
carefully before putting it together. I
also worked so more on the horse lot while I was outside, cleaning up manure
and trying to dig a trench to drain the water away from the front of their
shelter when it rains. The soil in the
horse pen is so rich and full of worms.
I wished that I could take it with me to Laurel Fork! When I made my way back inside, I watched the
girls for a few minutes while Alissa picked up around the house. Then, I rocked Rory to sleep for her nap,
afterwards helping clean up around the house until I suddenly realized that
people would be arriving in less than 20 minutes and I was still running around
in sweaty, dirty, stinky pajamas. I
jumped in the shower and then ran downstairs to finish getting ready so that I could
just slip out the basement door and get away without having to talk to anyone
who might be visiting. Alissa and
classmates had set up the event as an open house from 12:30 until 4 pm. I left without encountering anyone and ran a
few errands before meeting Mike at his mom’s house. I wasn’t dressed to move cattle but he said
he needed help getting some heifers loaded onto the trailer. He had taken a large load of animals to the
stock yard in the morning, was mowing his mom’s grass, and wanted to move two
first calf heifers with new calves and two springing heifers to our place. I had on thong type sandals and nicer clothes
but I jumped in there and did what I needed to do to help him get the heifers
loaded on the trailer. We then took them
to the house. We didn’t think there were
any visitors at the house but when we got to the back we found that everyone
had parked back there and it looked like a full house. I was hoping we could unload the cows and
then sneak away but immediately folks began spotting us and coming out to meet
us. Of course, I was gracious. That’s just the way I am. I am terrified inside to have to talk to
someone I don’t know but when put in that position, I really try to be gracious
and kind. One of Alissa’s professors
spoke to us and had so many genuinely nice things to say about Alissa. It really touched me that she had made such
an impression on him. He had come out of
retirement to teach a class on Milton and she absolutely loved him. Analia brought several of Alissa’s friends
out to the barnyard while I was filling the watering trough. I shook hands all around. Alissa brought Rory out and I held her for a
few. She wasn’t happy. She had been a mess the whole afternoon, not
enjoying that the house was full of people she didn’t know. Mike and I decided to grab our things from
the house when Alissa said that there were currently no professors or staff in
the house. She did tell me her friends
were in there but I didn’t realize how many.
Once inside, I met more people and then excused myself as quickly as I
could and grabbed our things and sneaked out the door, only to have to go back
in for Mike who was talking comfortably with folks in the kitchen. After a few minutes we made our way out to
the truck only to realize that one of the new beef calves was missing. We walked the pasture looking for him until
finally I found where he was hiding and we reunited him with his momma. I am sure they would have found each other
without our intervention, but it made Mike feel better to know they were all
together when we left. As we headed back
down to the Family Farm where Mike’s mom lives, Mike mentioned that he should
feed some hay to the cattle and that he should check on a heifer that was close
to calving. He took the tractor and a
bale of hay up on the hill and I took the Polaris. We found that the heifer had calved yesterday
and that Mike’s nephew had already banded and tagged him. We found a stray calf or two and got them
back with the herd. After a hectic 30
hours since we left Laurel Fork, we are now on our way back. Traffic is heavy, as usual and Mike is
tired. When we arrive home, it will be
the first time in 12 days that we have had time for just the two of us. We will have Saturday and half a day Sunday
before heading back to Staunton so that we can be there to watch the Little
Girls on Monday, Alissa’s last day of work for this semester.
May 6, 2018
I had forgotten that Saturday is traditionally “auction day”
for us. We have been so lax about going
in the past six weeks or so and I am so out of touch with what day it really
is. Mike asked me if I minded going and
although I would have been happy to stay at home, I knew he needed a little
time to just relax and do something he enjoys.
The auction was not long and we got away from there just shortly after
noon. We stopped at several places while
we were in Galax and then got back home early enough that we could still get
some things done around the house. I
will admit that I actually climbed in the bed and took a little nap first. It felt good to catch up a little on things
around the house as we have just either been on the go or had company and have
not been able to do a whole lot. My
house needs to be cleaned so badly, but I guess eventually I will find the time
to do it. This trip there was no time
for it. About the time I went to bed
Saturday evening, I remembered that Sunday was the first Sunday of the month
and there would be a potluck at church.
I got up early this morning and made a raspberry cobbler, a double batch
of sourdough biscuits, and a large pan of Macaroni and Cheese. I was barely ready when it was time to leave
for church. After the meal and visiting
with friends we went back to the house where I had a number of things I had to
do before we could leave for Staunton.
Neither of us wanted to get back on the Interstate again. It made us both kind of grumpy. We are only needed for Monday and it seemed
extreme to run back to Staunton for 24 hours, especially after all the running
we have been doing this past week, but there just wasn’t anyone else to watch
the girls. And, the interstate has been
horrendous. Stop and go traffic from
Radford and we have been on the road for about three and a half hours and still
are not home yet. The first hour of the
trip I can’t get internet or cell phone service and the roads twist and turn
too much for me to write. Once on the
interstate I was able to make telephone calls, get the scoop on grandma, and
also call and talk to grandma and get our visit in for the day. I feel like if
I have to be in the car for that many hours, at least I can try to accomplish
something.
May 7, 2018
When we arrived back in Staunton yesterday evening, I went
straight to the barn to check on the animals.
They were all well and Princess is looking closer to calving. I think she is still a few days, maybe even a
week or more away. She was the first cow
that the bull bred when I put them together last year, but she obviously didn’t
take the first two or three cycles. I
considered not breeding her this year but it is just so difficult to keep her
separated from the bull. We won’t have
that problem when we move the cows to Laurel Fork because we are not taking the
bull with us. Mike milked Shar last
night but her milk still is tinged with blood from broken capillaries and we
won’t be able to drink it. He wanted to
milk Promise but I was opposed fearing that the stress might put her into
another round of milk fever.
Today is my last day of watching the girls on a regular
basis. I have been emotional all week. I have invested so much of my life into these
little people and in some senses, it is hard for me to step back now. I love them so very much and will miss my
time with them. On the other hand, I
know it is time for Mike and I to really spend time together and move full
ahead into this next phase of our life.
We are not promised tomorrow.
Only today. I love him so much
and I am so blessed to have him as my partner.
Being a couple so often means taking turns supporting each other in the
ventures that are important to one individual or the other. That back and forth balancing act can
sometimes seem one sided for a while but a good relationship works like a
see-saw. Mike has driven many miles in
stressful conditions, found ways to farm and do the things he needs to do
without my help on days I had the kids over the last almost five years, and has
understood and supported my need to nurture them at home while they are little
and their mommas had other responsibilities.
That’s not to say we have not had our share of arguments,
misunderstandings and hurt feelings at times, but ultimately, love has provided
the support needed to see the task to completion.