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| Joshua Marlin Hall July 27, 1990 - September 16, 2008 |
Somewhere in Virginia, a mother tries to forget that it's the 16th of September.
But, grief comes rolling in like a fog, just as it has every September for the past fourteen years. It settles heavily around her. Her breaths become shorter and she physically feels the pain in every fiber of her being. She clutches her heart begging it not to break into tiny, jagged pieces all over again.
But it does, and there's nothing she can do about it.
And so, she remembers her son's smile and his tall frame bending down to wrap her in a warm hug. She remembers his love of animals and his gentleness with children. She remembers how time and again he gave away his money and possessions when he saw others in need, disregarding his own desires. She remembers all the good that was and is her child.
It's difficult work, this process of grieving for the rest of one's life. Offering grace for the injustice perpetrated by others is not something that is done only once. How her son died haunts that grief-stricken mother as she faces the anniversary of his death. She could justifiably hate the father who took her son from a safe, loving environment in Virginia, from her protection and loving influence to a place of neglect and abuse. She could hate the boys who posed as friends, who bullied, belittled, and took from him not only his possessions and money but eventually his very life. She could give in to the hurt and allow hate to control her life. and the hate would be justified. The human heart, a mother's heart especially, rails against such blatant disregard for life. There are days when the weight of it all leaves her unable to open her heart to anyone at all for fear that even the slightest perceived infraction will send her over the edge and into a deep abyss from which she will not be able to return. On other days, the pain that is her constant companion becomes the tender used to ignite her fiery passion to make someone's world a little brighter in memory of her son. The fluctuating emotions are exhausting. A week, a month, and another year pass and the little accomplishments of daily life become huge victories when viewed through the lens of grief.
Love takes all the scattered pieces of the heart and rearranges them into a beautiful fractal of light and hope that stands in stark contrast to evil that only seeks to destroy.
So, she continues to choose love over hate and prays for strength for another year.