Ten Months

It has been ten months to the day since Josh left this world. Even when I try not to think about it, I find that subconsciously, the 16th of every month always weighs heavy on my mind. I have found that it is better to face it with acknowledgement, rather than try to pretend that it hold no significance.

I really am ok. I hurt so badly but God has given me the strength to face each day knowing that He is holding my hand. Life has not stopped for me even with the pain, and I contribute that to God's grace and to the fact that I have faced things head on each step of the way. Rather than try to hide from the pain with sedatives or other forms of medication or alcohol, I have faced each wave of pain and let it wash over me. It's like the tide coming in and going out. Sometimes the waves come fast, and it's all I can do to stand up against the tide. Other times, the ocean of pain is still, and I can look out and observe the beauty on the horizon. That horizon truly is beautiful for there is no pain, suffering or separation on that horizon.

So, I face this day...........the 16th............with strength and hope that someday I will see my precious baby again. I will never stop missing him and the pain will never truly subside, but each month I face that tide, I become stronger.
(Picture of Josh in Haines, Alaska)


Anonymous said...

So many beautiful memories of him! Thank you sharing him with us. I hope you have a nice day.

Corinne said...

You and Josh were on my mind the moment I woke up this morning.

Sammy misses you so much! There is a card on the kitchen counter adressed to you and Mike, now it needs to walk it's way to the post box!

xoxoxoxo ~C

leimana said...

Tammy, my thoughts are with you you today and I hold you within in a warm embrace. You are loved.

Lucky Lizard Ranch said...

Big hugs today (and well, always)Tammy. You are in my thougts. The way you share so much of your thoughts and soul gives me strength to face things I think are insurmountable.

Jessika said...

YOU give ME strength Tammy. Thank you.

Tammy Renee' Cupp said...

Thank you, my dear friends. I love you all.