October 11, 2017
Monday and Tuesday were busy as usual but it felt like we were a little
more organized. All of the grandkids
were at the house on Monday and we had a rainy day with remnants of Hurricane
Nate which kept us indoors. After the
twins left, I put together some supper, picked up the house, washed some
laundry and fell into bed around 9 pm.
Tuesday was pretty routine with a trip to the Antique Mall to take some
“new” items and tidy up the booths and a quick stop to the grocery store. I also took the car by the carwash and
vacuumed it out and washed it. I use to
be very good about keeping my car clean but then we started using it first to
haul produce and then to haul antiques and it stayed dirty all the time. I would clean it out and within 24 hours it
was trashed, so I finally just gave up and stopped trying. In addition, when we take it to Laurel Fork,
we travel dirt roads and the car gets dusty or muddy. I knew we were going to leave the car in
Staunton this weekend, so I figured my clean car could sit in the garage in
Staunton for a week at least before we got it dirty again. When I got home, Rory was screaming and
Alissa said that she had thrown up a couple of times. She acted just miserable and I was convinced
that she must have a virus. She did not
seem feverish but was obviously miserable and continued to gag from time to
time. I kept her all evening and she
cried most of the time while Alissa was at school. When Alissa got home, Rory continued to gag
and act like she didn’t feel good until about ten o’clock when she gave a hard
sneeze and out flew a leaf! She
immediately smiled and Alissa and I burst into a fit of laughter. I felt bad that she had suffered all
afternoon but we had not been able to find anything in her mouth. The only thing we can think is that she had
it partially down her throat where we couldn’t feel it in her mouth and it kept
irritating her and causing her to gag until she finally sneezed it out. Thankfully the situation wasn’t worse and
eventually remedied itself.
Today I milked Faith and left part of the milk for Analia who loves it
so much and brought the rest with us to Laurel Fork. I swept and mopped a few floors, did more
laundry, took care of some correspondence and then we started off about midday
for SW Virginia. We had a few stops to
make and had to pick up some auction items in Roanoke for a friend. It was a small truck load that we unloaded
and stored for him. We took the parkway
for part of the trip and the leaves were pretty although I don’t think they are
going to be exceptional this year. Then,
we stopped in Floyd at a small restaurant called The Blue Ridge Café. It was our first time there and while they
didn’t have an extensive menu, the portions were large and the food was
good. The server was friendly and helpful
and the place was very clean. The
building had been the bank (Built in 1820 I believe) in Floyd and then a restaurant
since 1927. I really enjoy historic
buildings and it was pretty cool that there had been a restaurant in that spot
since 1927.
We were anxious to get to our SW Virginia home. We had talked to someone who said there had
been some power outages, flooding and downed trees. As we approached our house, we saw a large
tree down at the neighbors and I was nervous about what we would find at our
place but things looked good. There was
no flooding and it appeared we had never lost power.
October 12, 2017
Most times the stress just melts away the minute I walk in the door of
our Rural Retreat but I couldn’t quite get relaxed last night. I guess I have too many things on my mind
right now. I read a book that a friend
gave me a while back when some folks were causing drama by trying to manipulate
a situation with one of our family members and I was struggling with feeling
the sting of being misunderstood and betrayed.
The book WHEN THINGS FALL APART:
HEART ADVICE FOR DIFFICULT TIMES was written by Pema Chodron who is an
American Buddhist nun. While I am not
Buddhist (and neither is my friend who gave me the book) I found Pema’s insight
to be invaluable and I often remind myself of the truth’s she highlights in the
book and specifically the idea that we are not “in control” and most of our
frustration and anxiety comes from being unable to control situations or other
people. I think I do better at “letting
go” than at any other point in my life, but I still have a long way to go. I’m not sure if it’s because I was the oldest
child and given a lot of responsibility, if it’s because of the religious
teachings of the churches and Christian school I attended growing up that made
us feel like we were somehow responsible for the whole world and would be held
accountable, if it’s just because of my genetic makeup and personality, or what
it is, but when I really get ahold of the concept that I am only responsible
for me, then it’s very freeing. Pema
doesn’t imply that we shirk our duties to others, or not have a humble attitude
of grace toward all of humanity. Quite
the opposite. But the concept that we
can’t control another’s mind, actions, or the outcome of any given situation
gives us the freedom to just accept, learn, grow, and move on where
appropriate. My mind is currently full thinking
of multiple family members struggling with a variety of transitions including
health issues, career changes, intentional unemployment, loss of mobility, loss
of cognitive function, feelings of anxiety, emotional stress, and more. There is a balance to offering support to
those family members while understanding that I personally can’t control the
outcomes. When I learned to accept every
situation as a chance to grow and become a wiser and better person, then I was
better able to handle the” curve balls” that life throws at me. It’s an ongoing process and there are a lot
of times when I start out kicking and screaming but I think I have learned that
ultimately each situation that presents itself is an opportunity for
growth. One example of this is the
communication between Mike and I. For
most of our married life, we both went our separate ways. While we enjoyed being together on Sundays or
for an evening meal, his work took him one direction and mine took me
another. He had his finances and I had
mine. He made decisions regarding his
farming ventures and I made decisions regarding my farming ventures. That’s not to say that we didn’t discuss
things but ultimately, we made individual decisions and many times didn’t
communicate on a lot of things. Our
thought patterns are completely different and how one of us approaches a
situation is many times opposite of how the other would approach a
situation. He is the extrovert and I am
the introvert. He will talk until the
cows come home and I am stressed if I have to carry on a five-minute
conversation or make a telephone call.
For years, I would clam up and shut down if we had a difference of
opinion that resulted in an argument.
Now, Mike and I communicate about everything and most of the time we do
it very well but inevitably we reach a snag that sends me into a tail spin and
makes me want to retreat to my non- communicative status once again. To bring this back around to the book, it has
been helpful for me to realize that I am only responsible for explaining myself
clearly and doing my part to keep the lines of communication open. The “struggles” that we have from time to
time when we communicate are opportunities for growth. As painful as it is for me sometimes to
accept the fact that Mike doesn’t understand my thought process or that he
doesn’t agree with my logic, I try to come around to the idea that each time we
“struggle” we have opportunities for growth.
In retrospect, I am thankful that Mike loves me enough to “struggle”
through and give us the opportunity to grow closer and understand each other better. Two years ago I would have said that on a
deeper level, Mike didn’t understand me.
Today, I can’t say that. I think
he has really learned to understand my strengths and weaknesses as well as my
idiosyncrasies and is the soul mate who helps to stretch me so that I grow as
well as surrounds me with the kind of love that allows me to fall. Our
biggest struggle as humans is that we have to keep practicing the truths we
learn to make them our own. While I didn’t agree with all of Pema’s religious beliefs,
I found the “truths” in her book to be universal and to fall in line with the
teachings of Jesus who reminds His followers not to struggle over that for
which we have no control and to practice love in all things.
Pema writes, “Life is a good teacher and a good friend. Things are always in transition, if we could
only realize it. Nothing ever sums
itself up in the way that we like to dream about. The off center, in between state is an ideal
situation, a situation in which we don’t get caught and we can open our hearts
and minds beyond limit.”
October 13, 2017
I went for an early morning walk yesterday. The fog was thick and the sun was working
hard to make its way over the mountain ridge and above the fog line. As I stood on the highest point of our
property and watched the sun rise, I was struck once again not only with the
beauty but also with the reminder that the sun is always there, but sometimes
we have to work harder to see it.
When I returned to the house, I made breakfast for Mike and I and then
we left to run errands. We had a list of
stops we had to make in two different towns.
One of our stops was at the government center to turn in the paperwork
to apply for land use status for our SW Virginia property. Since we were there, we paid our taxes due in
December as well so we wouldn’t have to worry about doing that later. We stopped at several different fuel
companies to talk to them about the details of getting a larger propane tank
and their fuel prices. Mike is very much
a proponent of price shopping and getting the best deal, he can get. I am too, but my method is to ask the price,
which takes about two seconds, and move on.
Mike, of course, gets into a full-length conversation with everyone he
meets. After several hours, we had the
errands run and I needed a few things from the grocery store. We both try to avoid Walmart for multiple
reasons and only end up shopping there usually three or four times a year. Mike needed some new jeans and since the
Walmart is 45 minutes from our home in SW Virginia and we were close, we
decided we would shop there.
Unfortunately, after going through piles and piles of jeans, there
wasn’t a single pair in Mike’s size. We
got our other groceries and went home.
It was midafternoon and we were both hungry by this time, so I made us
some BLT sandwiches. We still have
beautiful garden tomatoes but we know that we are close to a heavy frost soon
and the homegrown tomatoes will soon be gone.
I am trying to take advantage of them while we still have them. After our late lunch, I made a batch of
chocolate chip cookies. I love my old
oven here at our old farmhouse. It is
most likely a late 40’s or early 50’s model made by General Electric. I do wish that it was a gas stove, but I
really can’t complain about it because it is the best baking oven I have ever
owned. My pies and cookies come out
perfect. After calling my grandma, we
settled in early to watch a little TV but within a few minutes, I was sound
asleep. I woke up sometime before
midnight and moved to the bedroom where I slept until 6:30 am, which is sleeping
in for me. I must have been even more
tired than I thought, getting close to ten hours of sleep last night.
October 14, 2017
I slept again like a baby easily getting nine hours sleep. I can’t remember when I have slept that much
in two days. I really sleep better in
our Mountain home and I think it’s for multiple reasons that I do so, but one
contributing factor is the lack of reliable electronics. With no internet except what we can sometimes
get on the phone or Ipad and with cell phone service being unreliable, we find
our life to be much quieter and more relaxed.
After breakfast, I made a trip to the Dollar Store to get flour and
sugar so I could make cookies. In the
past two days, I have made sugar cookies, shortbread cookies, chocolate chip
cookies, oatmeal cookies, peanut butter cookies, and snickerdoodles. Most of them have gone in the freezer and I
will pull them out in a couple weeks when we have a get-together. I also made a one-gallon pot of cheeseburger
soup to take back to Staunton with us to feed the family on Monday. We had steak, baked potatoes and a salad for
supper last night, hamburgers tonight and I have a roast thawed out to cook for
Sunday dinner. The kitchen is one of my
favorite places and I enjoy cooking delicious food for our family and
occasionally for friends. I am always so
very thankful for the quality of food we have and the bounty. I hope I never take what we as most
middle-class Americans consider “the little things” for granted.
The young man we hired to work on the barn (who brought the snake in a
bucket and showed up late and didn’t stay long last week) never showed up to
work again. I had a really bad feeling
about him and his friend when I met them.
I tried hard not to be judgmental and give them the benefit of the
doubt, but the gut is often right. They
seemed willing to work and said they needed the money but I was pretty sure
they would take their “advance” and run. We just keep hitting brick wall after brick
wall when it comes to getting things done around here, especially with the
barn. But this weekend did offer a
chance for humanity to reveal the flip side of human nature and to prove once
again that there are honest, hardworking people of character left in the
world. Today, one of the men who helped
put up the guttering last week showed up to fix our chimney. He had to extend the chimney to make it
higher and install a roof cap. That was
no easy task. He had to climb to the
peak of our two-story house and carry cement as well as the extremely heavy
extension. This gentleman is a man of
character with a solid work ethic and manners as well as being engaging and a
lot of fun. Mike talked to him about repairing the roof on
the barn and painting it and he agreed to do it, starting next Saturday if the
weather holds out. I feel very good
about this man and his quality of work.
I am hopeful. In addition, we did
find someone to install the whole house generator and I feel very good about
this particular contractor as well. So,
we are making progress a little at a time.
While I have been mostly in the kitchen the past few days, Mike has
been mostly in the yard. He is working
hard to remove the brush from along the fence line. The back yard is steep and has a fence to the
right side as I look out my kitchen window.
There is a grove of mature pine trees just beyond the fence which leads
to more mature hardwood trees of various types that cover the mountain side
down to the stream that runs along the edge of the road for miles. We intend to eventually take that fence out
which will allow us to walk through our yard directly into the woods. (These woods are filled with deer and turkey
that I startle on my morning walks through the pasture which sets above.) The back yard itself has been maintained
relatively well but the fence line has been left to grow up for many years and
the forest has taken over. There are
huge, thick vines hanging from the tops of some of the trees along the fence
line. These vines have wrapped
themselves around the branches of the trees, grown down over the fence,
wrapping themselves around and around the fence post and then grown out into
the yard. It is a jungle. Mike has worked so hard to cut and pull the
vines and haul them off to burn. Each
time he works on it, the area gets more and more open and I can see into my
beloved forest and even up through the trees to the pasture above to some
degree.
Today is Sunday and while we don’t have to be back early to Staunton
today, the day will fly by and it will be time to head back so we can get there
before dark. Every week we get a little
bit sad when we leave our Mountain home.
I am thankful for the time we can spend with the grandkids, and time
will fly by quickly. Before we know it,
they will be on to new adventures and their time at Tita and Papa’s will be a
thing of the past. I remind myself of
this every week as we make our way back to Staunton. Everything is but for a season and I am
thankful for this time with our little people and the opportunity to be so
involved in their lives. Each day is a
gift. Each day is filled with
opportunities for growth and for joy when we choose it. I have much for which to be thankful.
Sunday Evening
We left our Mountain property later today than usual and I am sitting in
the cab of the truck with my computer across my knees while Mike navigates the
horrible traffic. Neither of us wanted
to leave “home” and we just kept delaying until finally it was necessary to go. The last few weeks have brought events that
took us home early on Sunday and it was nice to just be able to hang out at the
house until late afternoon. We have
started occasionally going to the Buffalo Mountain Presbyterian Church. Neither of us have a background as
Presbyterians but the church is close to our home and the handful of people
there are so kind. It’s ironic because I
am very much an “Anabaptist” in my own ideology and I have struggled within
myself at the last three Anabaptist churches because I felt that the church was
leaning further away from their stance on various issues where they have taken
historic stands, not limited to, but including pacifism. Attending the Presbyterian church, I am very
much aware that the members are not pacifists.
Several of the speakers have been former military leaders and they have
the American flag prominently displayed in front of the church (an act with
which I am familiar from the Baptist churches of my youth but something in
which the Brethren and other Anabaptist churches don’t participate). The things that are important to me and are a
personal conviction are that, a personal conviction. I hope as one who believes strongly that I am
called to be a pacifist (although I was a late bloomer in my understanding and
declaration of such) that I can love those who think differently than me and
offer a huge amount of acceptance and understanding for each individual. I hope somehow, I can receive the same in
return, but if not, then it will be an opportunity for growth on my part. One thing about this little church is that is
an aging church and perhaps, a dying church, although I hope not. I admit, that I am drawn in by the story of
Bob Childress and his part in establishing this church and the fact that he was
a man whose love and acceptance beat the odds and broke through the anger,
ignorance, and misunderstandings so prominent in the early 1900’s (as portrayed
in the book A MAN WHO MOVED A MOUNTAIN).
I hope that something there in that little church at Buffalo Mountain
will survive and grow. There were about
20 people there today, including us. The
visiting pastor was elderly as almost all of them have been. The church is without a permanent pastor and
the Presbytery sends a different pastor each week. So many of the parishioners are also aged the
oldest who will soon be 95 and was an original member when the church was built
in 1929. My eyes have been so opened
lately to the struggles of those who have lived a long life, perhaps in part
because I realize that I too, should I remain on this earth another 20 or 30 years,
will reach the point where they are. At
fifty, I see how quickly time flies and I realize 20 or 30 years is but a blink
of the eye. I saw with clarity the
increased physical difficulties of some as they moved about. I heard the voice of the visiting pastor as
he explained that he has macular degeneration and will go blind with time. I saw a couple whom I am sure the one spouse
suffers from an acute dementia and as the “care giving” spouse seemed to
struggle with their memory as well. I
saw a church full of elderly people struggling to keep the church alive and I
saw myself in 20 or 30 years with the same physical and mental struggles that
they are now battling. My heart went out
to them and to my relatives who are aging or aged. I feel an urgency to welcome each day and to
be thankful for all the health benefits I currently enjoy. No matter what our age, everything can change
in the blink of an eye. I am rambling,
but to tie this all together, I think the “me” of even six months ago would
have looked for a “more vibrant” church with more youth and vitality and one
that reinforced our own ideals. I am
definitely not a Calvinist or a Presbyterian but I am a human, a person who
looks to Jesus example for the best way to live my life, a lover of the
mountains in which I seek to make my home, and I already love these people who
in their unassuming ways have somehow bridged a gap in my heart from “broken”
to “healing” by reminding me that labels are not important and there is room for
all of us to grow together.
Perhaps, the greatest lesson I am learning from the past seven or eight
months is that this idealist, for that is what I have always been, needs to let
go of ideals and just learn to live. The
story lines we work so hard to construct need to be left at the door and we
need to enter each day open to the present and full of love.